I must confess, I have a very analytical brain. I like to think things through, research the facts, come to a logical conclusion, and get my point across to the other person. That’s just how my brain is wired.
But my husband is more of a conceptual thinker. He will see a situation and make inferences based on what he knows now or what he has experienced in the past. So anytime we talk and he makes a statement about something (anything!), my instinct is to dig, dig, dig and get facts and come to logical conclusions based on those facts.
The problem is that my husband saw my digging as disrespect. For the longest time I couldn’t figure out why he kept saying I was disrespectful, in my brain I’m just holding up my end of the conversation. But I finally realized that our two different ways of thinking and communicating was the issue. It didn’t matter that I thought I was just conversating, my husband saw it as something else: putting him down, not respecting him, and demeaning him in front of the children.
I was honestly so confused and didn’t know when it was OK to talk and when it wasn’t. So I went to the Word.
“The heart of the righteous weighs its answers…”
“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.”
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to THEIR needs, that it may benefit THOSE WHO LISTEN.”
The Lord showed me that though my intentions may be pure, my actions were still causing someone pain. As a daughter of the Most High King, my purpose is to build up my husband and be his helpmeet and show him love and mercy. That means weighing my words and changing my style of communication. It’s not easy, but with the Lord’s help it can be done.
Some days are harder than others, there are times where I am literally biting my tongue not to say something, even holding my breathe! But in the end I notice that my husband feels respected and there is peace between us and in the household. Reciting these Bible verses always makes it easier for me to just stop talking and change my approach.
My God, Saviour, and King left his throne to become a human and die for me. That humbles me. If my King can do that, I should be able to die to myself and my own selfish needs in order to show love to my husband.
What about you? Do you always have to have the last word? Are you demeaning in your speech to your spouse? Go to the Word and memorize verses on speech. You can even start with the ones I’ve listed above. Let’s use our mouths with words that will soothe and build up our husbands. Start today!
Yasmin is married to her favorite man and the happy mommy of four children. As a new Christian and a more recent stay at home mom, Yasmin is excited about all that the Lord has in store for her as He teaches her how to be a Proverbs 31 woman. You can follow her journey at Growing P31 woman
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