Do you need a little romance?

Marriage / Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

I don’t think I’ve met a girl or woman who didn’t like romance.

Romance is truly a good thing; even a God-given desire. The problem begins, not with romance itself, but with our lack of a proper understanding of it.

As God defines it, romance isn’t as easily practiced as many of us believe. While we all rightly desire to love and be loved, too often we have the idea that marriage itself will satisfy our longing for companionship and romance.

When we go into marriage with an “I need” attitude, we are doomed for dissatisfaction and disappointment. Why? Because marriage was not intended to be a quick fix for all our feminine expectations.

If romance is an automatic “by product” of marriage, then the countless aisles of marriage guides and how-to’s at the Christian bookstore are needless!

Obviously we don’t understand romance quite as well as we think.

I have been married to my sweet heart for over ten years now… long enough to tell you that romance doesn’t “just happen”, even in a good marriage. Those wonderful do-dads that you felt the first time he whispered I love you, or the first time you gazed into each other’s eyes as husband and wife, all have a way of fading over time… into the red, bleary, sleepless eyes of parenthood laden with responsibility, lack of time, and a hundred other highly unromantic feelings.

So should we simply expect romance to evaporate into a memory once we’ve uttered the “I do’s”? Well, if you’re counting on the do-dads to pull you through the hard times, then, yes. All too soon you’ll find yourself disenchanted with marriage and wondering where on earth your Prince Charming has escaped (and who is that grumpy guy who keeps coming home in his place?).

But, for those who are willing to work at it, romance, like love, never dies. It just keeps growing, overcoming the obstacles, ignoring the aging process, and defying all the odds.

Simply put, romance is love with shoes on.

It’s not just the emotion and thrills of married love that romance consists of. That’s just the icing on the cake, and you can’t live off it anyway. 🙂

True romance has nothing to do with diamond rings and moonlit walks and butterflies in your tummy. It’s so much more, so much deeper, than mere emotion.

It’s a kind word when you feel like speaking sharply…

a glass of cold tea at his desk when you’d rather sit with your feet up and let him get his own…

a warm welcome at the front door instead of a muffled “hello” from the back room…

a smile of approval across a crowded room…

a hand slipped into his so everyone will know he’s you’re man…

a word of encouragement when you really think he needs a little correction…

an affirming hug when he just made a big mistake…

an apology even if he doesn’t think he’s wrong.

Doesn’t sound very romantic? Well, that’s love with shoes on, my friend. It’s agape love; the kind of love God feels toward us and the kind of love we are to practice towards others. Especially our spouse.

Does it sound dry and boring to you? Just remember that it’s the healthy, nutritious part of living that enables us to really enjoy the sweet stuff. Without the “every day romance”, the mushy-kind-of-romance would just seem a bit shallow.

“Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity… I am nothing.” (taken from I Corinthians 13:1 & 2)


Kristy Howard is a believer in Jesus Christ, a pastor’s wife, and homeschooling mother of four. She is passionate about living simply, naturally, and Biblically for the glory of God. Kristy is the editor and owner of, where she furiously writes about her loves during nap time.She and her husband, Jeremy, make their home in North Texas, where they enjoy their growing family, their church, and their pursuit of a debt free life.



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