I crack my eyes open far later than I had hoped. Again. The fatigue grabs my bones worse than I had felt when I had drifted off the night before–the thoughts of the plans for the new day that I had planned the evening before were too much to bear. The lack of energy and fatigue staring at me in the face and laughing at the expectations I had whirling in my mind the evening before. The mess swirls around me, every cabinet and door that open cries out of my failure. The laundry piling and multiplying faster than I can blink. And I cry.
This was a daily occurance in my life and still on my healing journey I have these mornings. And I find my greatest enemy many times is…myself. I am my biggest critic and worst judge. The accusations and negativity begin from the moment I come to consciousness. And I spiral downhill before I have had my morning coffee. Can you relate?
After my 6 week sabbatical from my crash. I went through some therapy. My therapist had some wise words for me in many areas. One things that stands out to me was how he told me to talk to myself. Argue with myself, if you will. The conversation might go something like this.
“I feel sooo bad today, it’s going to be a bad day”
Answer: “Maybe it won’t be, I don’t know that I will feel bad all day.”
“I am overwhelmed, I will never get everything done.”
Answer: “I will just try to do what I can and it will eventually get accomplished.”
“I am so exhausted, I won’t make it through the day.”
Answer: “Let me just focus on the next 20 minutes.”
Truly, my therapists reminder to me was very biblical. The Psalmist speaks to himself:
Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.” Psalm 42:11
“Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.” Psalm 43:5
David TWICE wrote the exact same thing. He really needed to talk to himself and encourage Himself in the Lord.
So what kind of conversation will you have with yourself today?