It’s after 3 am. The house is still and all is quiet, except inside my heart. As I laid in the bed this evening, the contractions started coming. Not unusual for me, but I wonder…
I do not sleep well, aware of every feeling. The contractions get my attention. Could this be it? With each new contraction my hope..and fear grows. I long for it to come, but know what road ahead I have to face. After awhile I wake my husband…
“I think this is it.”
“I am afraid.”
He lovingly prays for me. I get up for awhile to ascertain the situation. How will I know, Lord? With some of my babies it is so clear, but I am unsure.
I pull out my scripture cards, get on my knees over the birthing ball and read over them. With each moment that goes by it appears the contractions are stopping, or at least lengthening out between. Maybe this is not it after all.
The contractions are minimal now. Disappointment. I am here thinking I need to try and see if sleep will come. See if my racing mind can be still. Maybe it is just early and will yet be soon, or maybe the Lord is going to have me wait some more.
Another blog friend is also waiting on her baby and I saw an encouragement for her yesterday on facebook that said “Sweet Surrender.”
There is something so fitting about that. When a woman becomes a mother it is one continual surrender. A surrender of her body, a surrender of her will, a surrender of her..self. I must surrender to remain pregnant awhile longer, if the Lord wills. And when it is time to give birth to this precious little one, I must surrender to the work in bringing forth. And in the days ahead with the baby, I must surrender to nurse, love, cherish and care for this new one. And with the older ones even, I must surrender my self in mothering them.
I am not so good at surrendering. But, He giveth more grace.
Lord, give me sweet surrender.
Are we not all called to a place of sweet surrender? Not just mothers, but women in all stages of life. Life is about surrendering our will to God’s. Sweet submission and sweet surrender.
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